It’s a flutter. Or maybe it’s a butterfly. It tickles. I don’t know what, exactly, but it’s enough to give me anxiety and adrenaline rushes all night and all day. While all my friends are busy appearing for entrance exams for their colleges, I am trying to keep myself calm by learning Spanish and gastronomical blogging.
My childhood was spent in the kitchens of big restaurants and hotels while travelling for dance performances. Drumming my fingers on freshly made dough and making seasonal fruit preserves was always my favorite past time. I love cooking up delicacies of all kinds to feed people I love. The feeling I get when someone takes a first bite of my culinary creations is unparalleled.
Yet, I had not really considered following my passion. It was only when I began applying for colleges that my mentor told me that I should recognize my skill and pursue it instead of running for the obvious courses. I remember looking up the best hospitality colleges in the world and looking with pride at my future school. The image carved itself into my mind. So much so that I could not picture anything but the crisp white and blue service uniforms and how good I would look in one.
It’s been more than six months since I received my acceptance letter to Les Roches Marbella, and it’s still taking time for the feeling to sink in. After applying to countless colleges, getting high scores and getting accepted, you would think the summer would be a breeze.
April brought the summer. August is to bring college. My worries are over and I can take a laid back ride from summer to college. The reality is very different. Summer brought filing visa applications, paying tuition, taking language classes, shooting questions at the online representative of the school, getting my doubts cleared, finding out the airline that would allow two baggage for students, purchasing suits and formals and of course packing! And then you would think all my major do’s and don’ts would be over, but hang on – the Indian Rupee decides to depreciate as the Euro rises, and, on the 30th of July, I still haven’t received my visa yet/
Going to college is stressful, but prepping for it even more so. (Now, the stress here may not always be the kind that raises your blood pressure, but it surely does leave you worrying about a lot of things.) Whereas with me, I haven’t been worried about anything except how much wardrobe space I am going to have. Jokes apart, I have been feeling quite ambivalent. The last few months away from school and being at home have given me enough time to ponder my feelings and all I can come down to is ambivalence. I am not really sure whether I should feel excited about going to college, living an independent life or upset about leaving my parents being that I am their only child? Should I be more excited to meet new people and make friends from different cultures and ethnic groups or upset about leaving my childhood friends behind? Should I be in a long distance relationship or leave my high school sweetheart back home? As all of these questions settled in, a nervous realization came upon me: everything is going to be fine.
Even as my fears evaporated, my parents’ did not. Their minds are equipped with all kinds of inhibitions and fears, but, also a lot of trust. Every day, they would inundate me with questions. What if I get arrested? What if I get sick? What if I meet a boy I really fall for ? What if I lose my bags? More questions than possibilities! However, amidst all of this, the pictures online of the refurbishing of the rooms in college, the various events taking place at Les Roches and of course the streaming of the graduation ceremony kept me going!
I have spent three months in my reverie, where the only thing I can think about is college life. I try to picture some of the girls from the online group as my roommates, I think about the cultural night, long heated debates about where I should do my internship in the second semester. I often think about the golden pin of the Student Ambassadors that I am hell bent on earning. It’s like I have formed my own bubble of LRM in my mind. And, I am sure, I can, and I will succeed.